Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
