brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think people are normalizing furries
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
