That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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