Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
