I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
