Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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