I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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