did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
