Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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