I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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