i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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