i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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