so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
