Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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