Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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