I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Congratulations! We have a period
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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