There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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