Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
