If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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