Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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