My liver just broke up with me...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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