I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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