If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
