She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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