his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
