no, he came in my armpit
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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