I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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