Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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