these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
