I think I died a long time ago.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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