I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dear god my vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
