Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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