return my video game
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
