i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
