so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
