my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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