yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
