I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
