If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
