Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
