You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
