If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
