He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
