Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
