I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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