i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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