I wish I could teleport
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
