Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
