Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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