Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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