there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have already put on my inside pants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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