He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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