She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
