1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
