i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
