are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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