I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i think i have herpe
just one?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Terrible idea I love it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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