he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
