She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
